Dear Melissa,
I have discovered that playing the right music is the only thing that can bring my 3-year-old son out of an all-out-meltdown when all of my other strategies and approaches fail. Is this normal or crazy?
Well, you are onto something big here. It is not crazy...it is a gem of a technique that works for many kids! While I have a large bag of tricks when it comes to stopping the dreaded tantrum, this is a technique I have watched and learned from my fellow therapists at Children's Therapy TEAM. Taking a moment to brag, I am often in awe of my colleague's patience and skill in dealing with the less-than-enthusiastic kiddo.
Music has become an important part of my kiddo-calming repertoire. I frequently sing when I'm with my kiddos, both at work and at home. Sometimes, it feels like I'm conducting a full Broadway musical. Note that I was NOT in the high school choir. I do NOT sing in the shower and I RARELY sing with the radio. So when I sing with my kiddos, I sometimes feel silly. My coworkers have to deal with my horrible voice. But, I'm sure you agree that even bad vocals are much more tolerable than a 3-year-old’s high-pitched crying!
You noted that music helps to bring your child out of an all-out meltdown. Chances are it may also be effective at proactively preventing the meltdown in the first place. Through my own practice and
careful observation of other therapists, I find that music can
be a useful tool in a variety of ways. Try some of the following approaches:
For a reward:
Why not sing? Yes, a simple “good job” is
nice. But, a “good job Henry, good job
Henry, good job Henry…” to the tune of
“Where is Thumbkin?” is a much more intense and more personalized reward. Don’t we all want to work harder when we
feel that our efforts are truly appreciated?
For transitions:
A
transition is any time that a child (or adult) moves from one activity to the
next. Anyone who has been around a
preschool child for more than a day realizes that these transitions are often
a cause for a meltdown. The adult can sing the steps of the transition to help
communicate to the child what will happen next. This helps to ease the child’s anxiety of the unknown. For example (again, to the tune of “Where is
Thumbkin?”), sing “Put your socks on, put your
socks on, and your shoes, and your shoes. Grab your backpack, grab your back pack, off to school, off to
school”. If you haven't noticed, pretty
much anything can be sung to the tune of “Where is Thumbkin?”!
For calming:
Now when a child begins to
scream/cry, it can be very tempting to scream/cry as well. Unfortunately this just escalates the
situation. Not good! As the adults in the situation, it is our job
to deescalate the situation and help promote calming. By singing to the child in a soft, calm voice, you communicate to the child that you are calm. As a matter of fact, when I
practice this technique, I feel that it actually helps me remain calm. It also
has the added benefit of showing the tantrum-ing child that you can stay calm,
even if they scream. And if the tantrum
has no power over adults, the child will learn alternative techniques in order
to get his way. Win-win!
For learning:
We all know this
one! How did we learn the ABC’s? How did we learn the days of the week? Months of the year? My daughter even came home from preschool
with a song describing the water cycle! We have all known about this one since
we ourselves were in preschool. We
just forget to use it to our advantage sometimes!
For a stop watch:
I have found this one to be extremely useful in working with kiddos who are overly sensitive with grooming. For example, if a child hates to have his teeth brushed, he will often let me brush his teeth for one round of singing ABC’s. Most children will know this song (even if they sometimes confuse the letters) by the age of 3 or 4. Singing during an uncomfortable task tells the child that there is a definite end to the unpleasantness. In addition, I find the rhythmic songs to be quite calming.
For gaining attention:
I
totally stole this one from observing preschool classrooms! The teacher may say “shhh” or “settle down”
several times to the class with no success. Then she begins to sing “Let it Go” from Frozen…suddenly, every little eye in the entire classroom is glued to the teacher’s face, and every voice is singing along! If it works, use it!
For environment:
Music
totally sets the mood! Slow, quiet
rhythms for nap time. Louder driving
beats to help wake up. Medium regular
beats during table work for attention and self-regulation. In addition, music is simply fun! It creates an engaging atmosphere.
Do you have other ideas for using
music to help improve mood/behavior?
I
look forward to hearing your ideas!
You can send your ideas and questions to share@ChildrensTherapyTEAM.com
Resources:
10 Preschool Transition Songs and Chants to Help Your Day Run Smoothly, by Angela Thayer, TeachingMama.org
Introducing Preschoolers to Music, Kids Health from Nemours Children's Health System
Preschool classroom attention grabbers, by Jean Warren, PreschoolExpress.com
